Thursday, August 20, 2009


Wikipedia can be most resourceful when doing research. Wikipedia, the users who make it, present the topics in a user friendly way. When I look for something I find it easily in Wikipedia. Thus, I'd say Wikipedia is my personal Cliff Notes to the world.

Anger, in Wikipedia, is an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage. In many religions, anger is attributed to God or gods. The Hebrew Bible, for example, says that opposition to "God's Will results in God's Anger."

Further reading led me to A Dictionary of Religion and Ethics by Shailer Mathews (available in Google Books). On page 17, Mathews describes the "Anger of God," as viewed by Christian theology:

"The N.T. [New Testament] writers spoke of the wrath of God coming on those who reject Christ."

Reading that explains a lot. Explains why some people, myself and every other girl out there who has siblings that are Catholic, think that we are hated by God. For us to fear God and everyone who believes in Him is an intrinsic value that we can't explain.

I have had many people care for me and lead me to Church to praise in the fellowship of believers. Ultimately, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't succumb. I got upset, disturbed, and cried at every meeting. So, I started to write.


You make me want to cry when others sing praise
You make me want to die when others sing about love
You make me want to kill when others sing about You

You make me commit crime when You touch me
You make me sin when You love me
You make me detest myself when You hold me

You make me want to blow the Earth to smithereens
but your disciples are doing it for me
You make me want to kiss Evil and breed
but your disciples are doing it for me
You make me want to kill for You
but your disciples are doing that for me

You make my blood boil with fire and passion
for Your divine existence, holy, sincere
when You help me in the heat of pleasure

You make my eyes curdle over with tears
for Your pristine existence, staunch, cold
You were the first, broke what was whole

You make me Yours every time You say my name
for Your joy would be satiated if You touched me
but your disciples are doing that for You

Monday, August 17, 2009


This morning, granted 11:18 is still morning, I woke up to a phone call from my older sister. No, I believe I was in mid-dream about one of my most recent actor crushes from the TV Series Smallville when she called.. Everyone has their own opinion of TV Shows; I like Smallville because I developed a crush on two of the characters (Lois and Clark). Well, the whole alien invasion and high morality is appealing too.

After explaining to my sister on the phone that, yes in fact I was still sleeping and that I was going back to bed, I realized that it was time to wake up. She hung up though. After some mindless web surfing I conjured breakfast. I had two slices of wheat toast bread and some cream cheese. It's what I do after running out of wheat raisin cinnamon bagels.

I ate my toast quietly. Thinking, "my this really does taste like cardboard," and just stared at the green curtains I was given last summer. I thought about what I could do. I could: read, write, paint, do dishes, clean the apartment, or just sit down in front of the fan and not do anything at all. All sounded fine except I had the feeling that it was time to wake up.

Hours later I'm sitting on my chair at my desk staring at the pile of books I acquired. First, they were piled up around my bed imitating a step ladder while acting as a barrier between me and the world. The books belonged to a friend and before that to some stranger. Now, they're mine. Some even have a "used" sticker on them making them remnants of a bookstore.

When it comes to reading I'm easy to please. Do not ask me to read anything but books about writing, poetry, and fiction with death and destruction and love. Some of the books my friend gave me don't fall into my category of familiar reads. Like Mr. Vonnegut. I was first introduced to his stuff in my senior English high school class. Mr. Moore, a tall lanky man with glasses, made us read Slaughterhouse-Five and I liked it because it was crazy and carefully planned out.

Now, I have the opportunity to read more of his work. Especially, the famous Breakfast of Champions that our English teacher said we should read. The 1973 copy of it is sitting on my bed with the rest of the books that my friend gave me. It wasn't my choice to keep the book. I carefully chose the books I wanted from his pile and none of them included novels.

When I ate breakfast today and stared into oblivion I realized that there aren't many choices left. I have to wake up. Just like I accepted the books because of curiosity or will I have to accept everything. Starting with no more water spills on my pile of books on my desk and underneath my desk, thank goodness for sports bottles for water. I might not read all my books but I do poke through them for insights. I still know which books to lend to friends when they need a read.

Some people, like me, struggle against a stillness that demands to sit down and not do anything at all. At the same time there is the overpowering feeling of waking up, getting up, doing things, and completing the "TO DO" list. I insist for everyone to catch on to the get-going feeling. I know I will. Next on mine is finding a place for all those books. The closet will do.

Friday, August 7, 2009


Women, derived from woman, is the female human being which is NOT man. Theoretically speaking, of course. Science has made it possible for man to be woman and woman to be man. However, this modern breach of gender does not disrupt the natural occurrence of creation. It is stated, "...woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman..." 1 Corinthians 11:12

It is like saying, "woman came from man and man comes through woman." Which can further mean that man and woman are equal. Thus, it is perfectly natural that a man can become a woman and a woman can become a man!

Even more natural would be for women and men to both express their deepest and darkest desires. Previously I mentioned Ovid and his erotic works. It's now time to look at Sappho and her poetry.

Sappho was an ancient Greek poet and is my hero. She lived around 630 BC. A bulk of her work has been lost yet the remains are amazing and good to look into. A good place to find her poetry is here:

Sappho occasionaly wrote the erotic poem for women. In my journey as a person I chose one of her works to parody. I was astonished at how unique the end result was. I present both for the world to view.


"Bridesmaids' Carol I"

O Bride brimful of
rosy little loves!

O brightest jewel of
the Queen of Paphos!

Come now
to your
bedroom to your
and play there
gently sweetly
with your bridegroom

And may Hesperus
lead you not at all
you stand wondering
before the silver

Throne of Hera
Queen of Marriage


"For the Girl"

O Girl unaware of
rosy cheeks!

O fond desires of
lust and want!

Come now
to your
bedroom to your
and play there
gently grovelingly
with your pleasure

And may your actions
lead you not at all
you lay disheveled
breathless before the

warmth of sunrise
moment in joy